Monday, July 26, 2010

I'm Doing Fine

I just got off the phone with my mom and I try to not let the comments hurt me but what she says does and I tell her. My family and I just got back from a two week cruise(I advice not going on a cruise for two weeks with your family) Way to much togetherness. Anyway the trip was hard. I didn't think it would be that difficult. The trip was planned after I lost my precious Madeline, so she wasn't going to be joining me anyway-I mean I wouldn't leave my precious baby to go on a crusie. Spending time with my daughter beats any cruise I could take. Well the trip started out bad. I get stuck next to a lady with her baby, she is sitting next to me loving on her child while I'm facing the window crying quietly. I couldn't even switch seats because the plane was full. It just went downhill from there. Way to many small children on this trip. I was trying to get away and relax and that didn't happen. Babies, small children in my face and I couldn't get away-aaggghhh.

Well, my mom thinks I'm slipping backwards beacuse I was crying sitting next to a women on the plane with a baby and then crying when I see babies on the trip. I tell her I'm doing fine. I cry then pull myself together, little triggers-this is normal. Then she is nagging me about having more children. I want to have brother's or sister's for Madeline but my husband is scared to continue. This is KILLING me. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I'm going on 8 months and want to be pregnant, but it isn't happening for us. My therapist says there is nothing I can do right now except focus on myself. I'm tired of that I want to be pregnant. Why can't I get my husband on bored?


  1. You know, it's completely normal to have setbacks in grief. They happen to everyone.

    I'm sorry your hubby isn't on board with a baby. It's tough when you're not on the same page about things. I really hope he changes his mind.

  2. I had a very hard time traveling for a long time. It took me almost 11 months to finally see a baby and not cry, but there are still times that I still tear up. If I had been on that plane or on that cruise, I would have cried as well.

    Sorry to hear that you and your husband are not on the same page. Hopefully in time you will be.

  3. I am sorry that you had a tough time on the airplane. I think crying moments like that will forever happen for the rest of our lives and they should be acceptable. What do people expect? I mean do they expect us to dust ourselves off and just keep trucking on. I think we all are doing the best we can, but we lost our children that calls for some crying moments if not LOTS, I feel we are entitled.

    I get my feelings hurt too, my mom does not seem to understand why after 5 months I still have "sad" moments. And I tell her that I am always going to have moments and that is ok.

    Many hugs. Hopefully in time (soon)you and your husband will both be on board about having more children.

  4. ((hugs)) I too would have had break downs too. I'm sorry that your mom is on your case. Sending you love and hope that your hubby with be on board with you soon.