Friday, October 22, 2010

I am a mom, I'm not

Don't know if it is just a hard day or what- but with Madeline's first birthday approaching I feel so much more sensative these days. Today I felt like I wasn't even pregnant last year, like it was all a dream that I was ever pregnant. I know I have a daughter but really. I had to stop and think today my life would not be this way if she was here. I feel like I'm just going back to old routines staying up late, watching tv til all hours things that I did before Madeline. I felt like I was a mom when I was with her in the hospital, but now I feel like I was never pregnant a year ago preparing for a baby. WTF!!!

Anyone else have these feelings after their loss?!?

Monday, October 11, 2010

I month away til the year anniversary

Well today is Madeline's 11 month birthday. I can't believe in a month she will be 1 year. I can't believe a year is coming up so soon. I can't believe it. I don't want it to come. On top of having my birthday the day before, this isn't what I wish for my birthday-to not have my baby to hold and celebrate with. This sucks!! Can I get through this without her? Madeline, mommy misses you so very much!! I love you sweet girl-Happy 11 month birthday!!!