Friday, October 22, 2010

I am a mom, I'm not

Don't know if it is just a hard day or what- but with Madeline's first birthday approaching I feel so much more sensative these days. Today I felt like I wasn't even pregnant last year, like it was all a dream that I was ever pregnant. I know I have a daughter but really. I had to stop and think today my life would not be this way if she was here. I feel like I'm just going back to old routines staying up late, watching tv til all hours things that I did before Madeline. I felt like I was a mom when I was with her in the hospital, but now I feel like I was never pregnant a year ago preparing for a baby. WTF!!!

Anyone else have these feelings after their loss?!?


  1. Honestly, sadly - I did not even hardly mourn the loss of my first baby Riley - when I miscarried Peyton less than 6 months later it all crashed down. I sort of feel the opposite currently. I still touch my stomach when I see ultrasounds, etc. Either way I think we all feel mildly crazy all too often after such a loss!

  2. Sometimes it can feel like the whole thing never happened because it was such a fleeting moment.

  3. Sometimes it does feel like it was a dream or someone else's life, and I really don't like when things feel that way, because it makes me feel separated from my babies.

    Wishing you peace on Madeline's birthday. Here is her cupcake from me and Calvin. ((hugs to you and your hubby))

  4. YES! YES! YES!

    I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am. The way time takes us away from those precious moments with our babies is just awful. Worse than awful. Sending you huge hugs today.


  5. I do. Sometimes I look at my belly pictures and can barely remember what that felt like. It makes me really sad. The only time I had with Jacob here and sometimes I can't believe that I ever had it. That I really had a belly and felt kicking.

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